Juwaan Henare

Gone

Is when the sun slowly faints

Then the moon casually rises

Gone

Is when a magician puts a rabbit into his hat, taps the hat 3 times, says the magic word abracadabra, then Puffe……Gone?

Gone

Is when you see your love ones for the last time, before they perish forever.

Gone 

Is like no more lucid dreams and only sinister things.

I have a problem with these abominable nightmares that trespass in my dreams that repeatedly taunt me / haunt me, continuing to do what they think is a merit with excellent behaviour.

Such behaviour needs to be approached.

Such behaviour needs to be immediately addressed.

These traumatic events include 3 children, whom I love dearly.

These horrifying things, like to replay your past, as if they keep special tabs over there in the dark, as if I pulled them off the shelf in my head and said, we’re watching thrillers tonight.

I find it not amusing, definitely uncomfortable, definitely painful, just a big abundance of mental/emotional torture.

You know its one thing to have had things accrued in reality that you didn’t like to experience and just when your feeling good and thinking that your OK, you come to rest your eyes, night or day dream, effectively/ passively your being struck with remembrance.

Now I’m recalling what my children would say to me, what I’d say to them, ask of them and what we’d do as if I was right there, as if I wanted to be there, but in this case I have no choice.

Waiora – Daddy we drawing

             Daddy I have inu please

             Daddy I have chippies please

Me – Of course my pretty

Me – Champion I have kisses please my son

Wairama – Johnny, Johnny, ah ah ahh……

Me – My uncle help me vacuum the floor

Tyron – I coming Uncle Juwaan

Me – And he would run to me just to hold the bottom of the vacuum pole and then I’d vacuum at his pace.

Bang – Mount Everest just erupted into a million dust particles in my head, my heart feels cold, maybe even dead, struck with remembrance once again.

Never to see their toddler days again, no more drawing times, no more feeding their little pukus, no more putting them to bed, no more kisses, no more cuddles, no more little helpers, no more little singing buddies.

Me – My pretty, sing a song

Waiora – How about x2? Daddy shark do do do do do do x2

Me – Daddies GONE! And these memories of you’s haunt my dreams, very small, but a powerful impact, because I miss yous!

But I swear my babies that dad is strong, because I refuse to let these nightmares control me/influence me,  cause im out here manifesting a greater me, empowering greater things that shall overcome these asbestosis dreams.

If not then I promise I will try and try and try and keep trying to push through the dark shadow walls, that have been engraved into my brain, the length of a black hole that travels endlessly, until I’ve surpassed negativity because I am a WINNER.

I am positive movement. 

I refuse to lay there or sit here and allow nightmares to over power me, thinking their behaviour is acceptable, continuing even at this moment.

Trying to remind me of past circumstances, showing visions like my babies are in hospital ill, visions of a weirdo touching them in inappropriate ways, or someone is kidnapping them/hurting them or kills them

I am no longer there to nurture them.

I am no longer there to protect them.

Visions that are so convincing they make me wanna say “bad dreams you win”

But you loose, because my head is high as the heavens and I choose to stay NOT go!

GONE

Is when bad dreams fade

And good dreams stay.